Wednesday, 5 February 2014

i was lost but not anymore

i'm not dead! but i did feel that way for a really long time and promptly abandoned this space for said really long time. (fyi i'm always available here, though.)

i'm choosing to forget most of the staid beigeness of no growth or inspiration that was last year, and (very) hesitantly but heartily welcome the new one. i'm all about the shiny newness... after the sheer laziness and thoughtlessness my sartorial choices had fallen victim to, i have to be!!

most of these words aren't really going to make much sense without a bit of context. in short, i job-jumped a bit for the latter half of last year, already being about 112% done with 2013. i was numb and had resigned to a kind of gloom i had not known before. i'm really more angry at myself for not even allowing this, my safe space, to not be safe anymore. 

and so, i rang in the new year on a mellow note and really just threw myself back into my japanese lessons full force. i regained my resolve to be fucking good and get back on track to chase the dream of working in tokyo. 

so that's it. 

right now as i'm getting all this out, i've regained all sorts of life. mostly thanks to the unwavering support of my dear creative soulmate who came all the way from new york to visit me in my third-world hell hole, and another bestie (also from uni) who i just met up with today... in tokyo. 

familiar sights, sounds, people, and that distinct euphoria that unfurls in my ribcage assures me of the realness of this moment. i feel like i've been fixed even though i didn't know that i was broken to begin with. i'm sure some of it has to do with my obsessive love for this place that lends itself to my weighty bias, but i really don't care. i feel how i feel. i don't know how the rest of this year will go, but i'm more determined than ever to not fall into the abyss as i did last year. fuck that; it's tiring and incredibly unproductive (the worst feeling imaginable).

my sight is clear again and all roads lead to tokyo.


No comments:

Post a Comment